I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
