so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
