Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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