yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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