I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize