you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
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We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
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Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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