your room smells of hookers.
And success
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
