Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
