I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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