Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
