So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
