Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I will pee on everything he values.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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