It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
