Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
