You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
