No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
