yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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