: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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