Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
