Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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