marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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