I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
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Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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