I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
