dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
