You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
