I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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