I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
kristin has been a bad kristin
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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