If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
