I can tuck mytits in my pants
he fucked my hip out of place.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
