i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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