cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
