i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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