Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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