he shaved USA in his pubs
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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