i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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