I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
