So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
