Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
