and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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