I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
