just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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