im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
