i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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