made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
