Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
