Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
