You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
