Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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