I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
