No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
