so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
