Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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