I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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