I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
