the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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