i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
