This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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