Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
