Three words: puerto rican gang bang
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
