Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
