Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
