respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
porn star boner night. come get it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
