Your tits are I can't wait for
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
