If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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