Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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