at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
