i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
