Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish i was in the wii world.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
