i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
