Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
im holly from the hills drunk
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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