so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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