i was born a porn star she said
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
