Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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