Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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