don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
