I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
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It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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