im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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