No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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